He Says, She Says - Relationship Advice's Journal|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in
He Says, She Says - Relationship Advice's LiveJournal:
|Wednesday, January 18th, 2012|
hello all, first time posting and i need serious advice!
so ive been dating this guy for about 4 months now. i dont connect with guys romantically, they always end up being good friends, so this guy is a big deal to me. we've spent these 4 months together 24/7 and have yet to get sick of each other, another big deal. this guy is the textbook definition of everything i want in a boyfriend and i finally got one. the only problem is hes still in love with his girlfriend that he broke up with 2 years ago!
he tells me that he loves me, cares about me, has feelings for me and i believe him. he treats me great and we have a lot in common. but sometimes he'll talk about his ex girlfriend (they dated for 3 years, broke up 2 years ago, had a short term girlfriend after her, but then he visited her last summer to say goodbye and they hooked up, now she lives in argentina..this was all before i had met him though). he told me once that sometimes he feels like he can never love someone the way he loved her, he called it puppy love and said shes the one that got away. whenever he talks about her i end up feeling like shit and worthless, but then he'll do something incredibly sweet to make me feel loved and i dont care anymore. then i found out recently (not thru him, though) that he told her hes going to finish college, make a bunch of money, move to argentina, and marry her. hearing that made me feel so disrespected.
so enough prefacing, heres my question. hes doing an internship in DC until May (we live in california). hes told me that he wants to come back to me, and he wants to crash at my place for a month until he can move back into his apartment hes leasing to someone else. so my question is-- should i stay in this relationship we have when he returns or should i give him the space he needs to get over his girlfriend, reconcile with her, or whatever? i love being with him so much and he makes me feel like no one has ever made me feel, but i think maybe this is the break we need for me to get over him before i fall way too deeply in love and inevitably get hurt even more. right now i just want to be with him, im just worried that the future me is going to get my heart broken even worse if it lasts longer. but i also have this hope that if we stay together long enough he will feel the same love for me that he felt for her, especially since he said when hes with me it doesnt hurt to think about his ex for the first time. so what do you guys say? should i give it a shot or let this break be the end?
|Wednesday, August 31st, 2011|
My boyrfriend and i have been going out for a year and 7 months.
I love him very much.
Our relationship has been a bit rocky the last 4 months or so. We've broken up various times but have gotten back together within a few days.
Now, this recently started:
- i will let him know im studying (or something of the sort), he will call, i wont pick up because my phone is on mute or im not around it. then i'll recieve nonstop calls and texts from him asking what the hell im doing and to "have fun talking to other guys".
He has never done this kind of thing in the passed and i happen to think its a bit strange to start doing this a year and 7 months in when we both trust eachother.
I was analyzing and i started to think....maybe he's doing this because he is guilty of something...
i was on the phone with him, and he was upset that i had accepted some guys friend request on facebook.
I told him he is an acquaintance...not even a friend, and there was nothing wrong with what i did.
I also pointed out that he accepts about 6 new girls a week...and i dont say anything.
He was quiet.
later on in the convo he told me i was acting funny and kept asking me if i was upset - to which i answered: "is there something i should be upset about", he responded "idk, you tell me"
This is when i decided to ask him if he was hiding something from me, to which of course he insisted he wasnt. THEN:
ME: "do you talk to other girls?"
HIM: "oh..come on."
ME: "do you?"
HIM: "come on, i dont talk to other girls [slight pause] that much"
ME: "that much??"
He then went back to saying that he didnt ever talk to other girls (which i know to be a lie since i have seen texts and missed calls from different girls). i kept telling him i knew he was lying.
He promised me he wasnt.
i said "prove it"
he said "sure, how?"
ME: "give me your facebook password right now and let me scan your messages"
he would NOT give it to me. saying he didnt need to give it to me. i gave him mine saying "i have nothing to hide...you do."
eventually he became very immature by not responding to me anymore on the phone. i would call his name and he wouldnt respond.
What do you guys think? I'm exhausted. i need opinions and advice.
give me something to read. God knows i need it.
|Wednesday, November 17th, 2010|
|Wednesday, February 10th, 2010|
So how would you feel?
So if your boyfriend told you in the past that he loved you just as much as his ex wife, talks to other people in front of you about how good she is in bed, when she calls and tells him to break up with you he does, he looks at her pictures and comments on how beautiful she is, she threatens to kill you and he tells you to write her an apology letter, and says he will always love her would you think he still had feelings for her?
|Friday, July 4th, 2008|
arghhht my issues and life
Ive got so many issues lately its not even funny. I just feel so alone all the time. Ive never truly belonged anywhere. I was always pretty much strange,I grew up in this clicky neighborhood where you had to act a certain snobby way. Your parents had to know one another and if you came from parents who werent "in"with the neighborhoods you werent with it. Granted,it was a working class neighborhood,mostly Irish catholic but still..i never belonged. It started around 8th grade when i started getting ignored. It wasnt because i was dorky or whatever,i just wasnt that type.
Highschool was the same. I got majorly involved in track/crosscountry and was a freak about it. I had no friends outside of my teammates,who i didnt hang out with aside from meets and practice. I was an extreme healthnut and worked out. I was all state all thru highschool,whereas my sister was in with the druggies and "bad kids"(shes 3yrs older tho)
So,i never had highschool friends. Then i met Juan,my mexican first boyfriend.It was a pure innocent love,but my parents didnt exactly approve. Granted,i may pass off as hispanic,im mostly Italian and my father acts like that stereotypical over bearing stick w your own kind ways.
Well,Juan and I dated till I was 20,i moved to florida to go to community college and stayed w my sister. that was the year of my life,had so much fun.
Juan and i eventually broke up. When i moved back,I met Jose my portuguese ex who was a criminal and drug dealer. I seriously loved him but he was like this danger. My parents eventually found out when i was visiting him at boot camp(and this was when i was going to College,you can only imagine now looking back on it I have such esteem issues)
Well Jose and I dated from when i was 20 all the way till when i was almost 25. It was on/off. He in the meantime *a year after he got out* cheated on me and i eventually met the girl. It was devastating because I had been thru so much w him...it broke my heart.
So singel for 9months then got back w him. During that time,I went back into my binge eating ways and gained some,then lost some. After being single,Jose contacted me and we started dating again. Well, almost a year into it,i get pregnant. He was very verbally abusive by the way and just had mood swings,always yelling cus he wanted for us to live together but i never could because i was living at home,my parents would disown me.
So,i was pregnant(age 24) i know that seems old,but i was also bleeding and was scared(at 2 1/2 months) since i was at home,my mom was scared and we went to the hospital. They found me pregnant and i had to tell my mom. She eventually that day suspected it was Jose's and was extremely angry telling me if he was the father,she would never give me a dime...
So i hid it,but made plans to get an abortion,she was all for it, although i was having doubts. I had gone to Jose's the following day,only to overhear him on the phone with the same girl he had cheated on me with like 2years earlier(the one i met) He seemed to be extremely emotional(angry,but still)on the phone with her and told me not to worry about it...i ended up crying bc i had quit my job the day before out of panic and i had gone there for some kind of comfort from him,even hoping to keep the child...
I ended up leaving his apartment,the following day i got the operation(although he was against it or so it seemed)
So afterwards,we didnt speak for a month...i moved into a small studio apartment and my mom actually helped me with rent. I had no job and no life. I also binged more even tho it didnt ever exactly get high i was depressed tho. So,i then had some dumb fling with a younger boy,ghetto,but it helped. Jose and i still messed around like 1x a week or every 2wks. He kind of stopped answering my calls,etc.but we still talked. So then i meet mohammad from Jordan,very attractive,but lives at home has a dumb job. Hed only come over after midnight and wed always be drinking. I had no job that entire year,just 2months at one place. I only left the apt to workout or get food. thats it. so,moe and i saw eachother for almost a year,then around june last year,i got fed up. His english was bad,he was hiding me from his dad(but then so was i but still,his culture is so different from mine,religion,ideas of women etc,i just kind of always felt...disrespected or something,just...i dont know,i never have known.so i changed my number on him after talking to a guy i met that i found real interesting(but that "bad boy" that im attracted to and vice versa),we really connected and i felt like i could really get attached to him,but freaked out at the night before our second date was supposed to be and decided to just change my number on everyone,,,i wasjust scared)then,the entire summer went by,i had to move out of the studio and in with my sister,i was depressed and constantly binging on and off and went from like 115lbs to 127 or so, and it felt just off.tjen i got a job and somewhat of a schedule and started loosing weight and going out and called moe and started dating him AGAIN even tho i know it was nt a good idea but i was bored...well a whole year went by and nothing has changed, he still hardly sees me, hes slightly disrespectful,he lives with his cousins and recently told me he wants to live w me*but in a 3bed apartment w his cousins. I am attached to him,but at the same time,hes never bought me anything,admitted to cheating on me once,i feel also paranoid about my body around him.i ve never really had that before as bad w someone else. Im right now in florida at my moms binging away its my 8th day on a binge,and although im still talking to moe, i seriously just have major anxiety and doubts towards him. Ive also been getting text messages from my ex, like sickingly sick ones. and its just making me so regretfful and depressed about my life. I have a myspace page and both of them are on my friends list along wiht my ex''s little girl friend which they broke up a few months ago but she had been writing me on myspace awhile back.like they were together this whole past year he stopped talking to me. i just really truly am in a rut. im not so sure but i feel like changin my phone number again on everyone in my life,and deleting my myspace page....maybe starting a whole new life...but im scared....im not sure if it would be a mistake or not, i mean moes always putting me on hold when we are on teh phone. he tells me he loves mebut at the same time im afraid ill get pregnant again, i know this relationship wont work anyway, and i dont want jose to know about me,its better just left a mystery, i have a girlfriend too that recently got my number again,but she had just disappeared from me as well....she too has put me on hold and ive only talked to her several times(and its been like2yrs) i just really dont even want to live like the old me,i want to forget my past.....
This leaves me to the point in my life now...questioning and contemplating
|Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008|
What to do?
I met this guy in March and we've been together since...
Well actually, that's the thing, we are together because when we see each other we talk, kiss, etc... but he never technically asked me out or anything... I know he is not seeing any other girls for a fact because he is kind of shy, but where do we stand? What are we? friends with priviliges? Bf/Gf? or what?
I think he really likes me, we talk all the time, text each other, msn each other etc...
I'm so confused... Current Mood: confused
|Tuesday, April 15th, 2008|
First off I've been involved with my current boyfriend going on 6 months. Were both in love with each other and do anything possible for one another. I found out like 2 months in he may have a baby on the way but the mom was denying it was his. The baby was born in late December and the mom never called him until February, He found out she was born through her myspace. So in feb. she started calling him and this was almost an every day occasion, I got mad about this at the time. They'd sit and talk on the phone for like 30 mins to an hour at a time while i was right there. Who wouldn't be pissed right? She stopped calling as much and when she did he wouldn't talk as long because I brought it up. So now here we are the middle of april and the baby is going on 4 months. Every other week he goes and STAYS at his ex's house to visit his daughter, anywhere from 1-4 days at a time. Mind you the first time he went he never called me so I was ready to break up with him that quick over it before even hearing his explanation. And I've had a hard time ever since so when he goes I feel like I'm left basically heart broken. Now we've talked and argued about it the past few times and he calls me every time he's there now. His argument is the mom is with the baby 24-7 so when he goes there he's basically giving her a break. Which custody hasn't been disgust yet so normally parents who have partial custody this is how it works every other weekend. My thing is he goes there to stay because she won't let him take her until she's 5 or 6 months. In the back of my mind he could be cheating on me this is his ex and is it necessary for him to stay days at a time? And the present time he doesn't have a job so there's no restrictions on how long he can stay. Should I be wrong for feeling this way towards him? Or should I just let him be that dad he's being? I'm so confused and hurt by all of this.
|Friday, December 15th, 2006|
So I have a situation and I would like an honest opinion. I can't ask my family or friends because I know they will give me a biased opinion because they'll be trying to support me, but that's not what I want. So anyways...
I have been going out with this guy for a little over a month. Everything is great with him, we're not having any problems at all. The problem is my best friend and I. She gets really upset whenever I go out with him because I'm choosing him over her. She says that I am ditching her, and I understand why she feels this way (we live together, and spend most of our time together) so when I leave, sometimes I am leaving her alone. Almost every time I go out we'll have a fight about it, and she'll phone and text me constantly while I'm actually out with him. She says that I'm being a bad friend because I don't cancel when I know that she's upset to be there for her. That I'm being mean and choosing him over her. The thing is, i don't even go out with him that often, maybe once or twice a week because I know how much it upsets her, so I make sure that I spend a lot of time with her too. I mean I live with her, so I spend the majority of my time with her anyways.
It's now gotten to the point where I have lied about plans we've made to try and prevent her from getting mad at me (which I know isn't right, that's taking the easy way out) and I hate myself for doing that because I hate lying, especially to someone who's so important to me.
Am I being unreasonable? I don't think so but I'd really like another opinion, because we keep fighting about this.
Particularly, she's been mad at me for the last couple days because of a new situation.
Exams are going on right now and on monday I'm finished my exams. She doesn't finish hers until tuesday so I was planning on going out with her on tuesday or wednesday. Anyways, a couple days ago I emailed my bf just to ask him if he wanted to go out on monday (I haven't seen him all week because I've been cramming for exams). That night (before I knew that he could) my best friend asked me if I would help her study for anthropology. So I asked her when. She asked why. I explained that I was probably going out with him on monday night after my exam, but that I'd be happy to help her study tuesday morning or afternoon. She generally doesn't study until the day of anyways, and I figured that even if she studied monday, I could just go over everything with her on tuesday because her exam isn't until 3:30. I offered to drive her to school and we could sit and study up until the exam before I have to work. But her response was "no, don't bother, I don't want your help anymore." She says that my bf and I didn't have concrete plans yet so I should have cancelled with him (he had emailed me back that night and said that'd be good) to be with her and that because I didn't I chose him over her. But he's going away for Christmas and this is pretty much the only time we can hang out before he leaves.
Particularly, am I being unreasonable about this? Am I a being selfish and unreasonable for what I'm asking? I mean, I don't think I am, but obviously my opinions' biased towards myself. I don't see this "choice" that she keeps telling me about between my best friend and my bf, to me they are seperate things and you should be able to have both, are SUPPOSED to have both.
Anyways, any honest opinions would be much appreciated. Don't hold back if you think I'm being a bitch about this please tell me, because I'd like to know if I'm being unreasonable or unfair, or a bad friend.
|Thursday, November 9th, 2006|
Hey guys, just looking for some advice. I've liked this guy for awhile now, been about a year. I've never said anything because I'm really shy, and we work together and it would be kind of embarassing. Anyways, this weekend a bunch of us went out to dinner and then to a pub for drinks. We all got a little drunk, and my best friend told him that I liked him. He mouthed back that he liked me too, but since then nothing has happened, he's treating me the same. I'm wondering if he just meant that he liked me as a friend, or if you guys think that he actually likes me back. I'm not sure if I should say something, or if I should just let it go. I've been trying to work up the nerve to just tell him, but I've never actually approached anyone before, it's always been the other way round, and I'm not really sure how. If any of you have advice or opinions I'd really appreciate it. Thanks so much!